This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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