It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
