I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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