I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
