she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize