I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
