Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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