what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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