My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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