That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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