Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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