He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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