her vagine was all disorganized.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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