I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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