I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
