Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
