I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
