ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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