Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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