Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
