wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
did you just send me my own nude
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
