you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
