I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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