i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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