guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
