he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
