True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
