she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
