you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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