You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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