and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
