Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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