I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
