shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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