someone owes me an orgasm
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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