My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
