I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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