Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
