im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
