Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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