i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
