grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
