Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
