They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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