Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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