they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
