I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
