Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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