I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
