you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
