If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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