I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?