guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.