I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes