Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
