He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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