i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
