Me. At least after what I've been through.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
