There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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