Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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