this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
