I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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