I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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