I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
