My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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