True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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