just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we're so committed to being not committed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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