my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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