Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
