if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
