The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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