Texts From Last Night

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  (254): View more from Texas

  Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

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  (254): Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced http://tfl.nu/tkdm
  Replies (8) Good night (3965) Bad night (574)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (7166) Bad night (775)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10873) Bad night (2213)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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  (314): In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk. http://tfl.nu/6bmy
  Replies (28) Good night (7058) Bad night (1093)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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  (586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp
  Replies (13) Good night (1504) Bad night (2126)
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  (628): View more from California

  That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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  (628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7
  Replies (56) Good night (7139) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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  (301): Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles" http://tfl.nu/ewys
  Replies (7) Good night (1509) Bad night (991)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.

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  (+61): The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there. http://tfl.nu/zi0e
  Replies (11) Good night (2130) Bad night (713)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...

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  (901): As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you... http://tfl.nu/9ceg
  Replies (10) Good night (661) Bad night (2051)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back

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  (540): Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back http://tfl.nu/kuz3
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (465)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$

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  (304): I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$ http://tfl.nu/l4gn
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....

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  (570): I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are.... http://tfl.nu/bp2s
  Replies (6) Good night (597) Bad night (366)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant

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  (715): while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant http://tfl.nu/24gg
  Replies (4) Good night (1103) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm high. ignore me

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  (847): Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble (847): I'm high. ignore me http://tfl.nu/bcd2
  Replies (1) Good night (655) Bad night (173)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!

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  (620): Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day. (309): Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit! http://tfl.nu/15in
  Replies (0) Good night (310) Bad night (78)

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