she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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