Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room