his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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