Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad

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  (716): Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad http://tfl.nu/smfo
  Replies (8) Good night (923) Bad night (893)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo

  (810): View more from Michigan

  With himself

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  (810): I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo (810): With himself http://tfl.nu/5c4h
  Replies (1) Good night (925) Bad night (1066)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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  (218): My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles. http://tfl.nu/kfaj
  Replies (18) Good night (1029) Bad night (3234)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

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  (615): Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER? http://tfl.nu/yz8w
  Replies (14) Good night (5545) Bad night (1248)
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  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5668) Bad night (1210)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.

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  (773): I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax. http://tfl.nu/p0im
  Replies (10) Good night (2456) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

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  (612): I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot. http://tfl.nu/k764
  Replies (3) Good night (1932) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension

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  (248): Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension http://tfl.nu/j5kg
  Replies (12) Good night (1736) Bad night (773)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

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  (816): We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right? http://tfl.nu/k62y
  Replies (3) Good night (1832) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth

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  (239): All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth http://tfl.nu/rwpm
  Replies (9) Good night (777) Bad night (1744)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.

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  (620): I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify. http://tfl.nu/e3b2
  Replies (4) Good night (1268) Bad night (704)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week

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  (770): Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week http://tfl.nu/af2g
  Replies (1) Good night (762) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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  (609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm
  Replies (3) Good night (907) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one

  (602): View more from Arizona

  When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them

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  (928): It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one (602): When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them http://tfl.nu/1rtq
  Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.

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  (319): Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero. http://tfl.nu/gstb
  Replies (3) Good night (991) Bad night (300)

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