he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.